Ever felt like you were the proverbial fish in a bucket and someone was leaning over it with a shotgun? Well, the last 24 hours are just like that for me.
Yesterday my friend collapsed and was rushed to hospital, and this morning I got a text saying she was going in for surgery, time to activate the BFF hotline. As I excused myself from a school tea morning I told another friend that I was leaving and why, and she then informed me that she is just about to start chemo as she has cancer in her cervix.
I stood there for a minute, tears filling my eyes and wondered what was it with the universe that was allowing the cancer fairy to visit those so close to me, so quickly and with such lethal efficiency?
So, I am, today, going to have my last cigarette, I am going to work my butt off to be there for everyone who needs me and, somewhere in there, I am going to remind myself at every opportunity to tell those that I love just how much they mean to me.
And again, Dear God, enough already!...... I only have enough hours in the day to just cope as it is, I can't spread myself any thinner.
Hmmmmm
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Saturday, February 11, 2012
The Big C
Hello again!
Been a difficult week this week. DS started school (yay!! all in school, LOVE that!) Work just keeps getting busier and busier and one of my best friends has cancerous cels in her stomach fluid.
Fuck
To give you a brief outline, my friend fought and defeated breast cancer about 5 years ago. She did the chemo, lost all her hair, radiation and the whole shebang. Since had a full hysterectomy since she is susceptible to this and after a few months of abnormal tummy bloating, finally had a test and BANG. The Big C is back.
Now, this diagnosis (we do not know yet where the cells are coming from ) is Bad. Capital B Bad. After having a read online (never a good thing) It could be small, but most likely is not. Just take a moment and think about this.
She is my age (around 40) healthy to the point of annoying when she wants to be, still smokes (yes, we know we know) but otherwise pretty darn healthy and been through all this crap before. 2 young kids, husband who loves her, stand in mum to her niece and nephew who lost their mother to Skin Cancer a few years ago....WTF?
There is something seriously wrong with the universe when you finally get to this age, survived stupid stunts when you were young, tried most of the naughty drugs out there in the playground, managed to drive home a few times knowing you are over the limit, been to enough funerals to realise you really DO know alot of people (who did not make it home after said drinkies and drugs), finally meet The One, get married, have kids (whole other trauma and post) and then, just when you think you are safe, The Big C starts offing your friends one by one. Seriously??? Enough to make me up my daily anti-depressant without a doctor visit.
In the past 5 years I have had my mother diagnosed (and successfully treated) for bowel cancer, a friend who thought she had beaten bowel cancer, only to not have, die, another friend get and treat breast cancer, my friend above get breast cancer, 2 of my neighbours parents die of various cancers, my other neighbour loose their son-in-law to pancreatic cancer within a year of his first child being born (that really sucks Big Time) my former boss get breast cancer (bit of karma there) and now my other friend gets cancer, again.
Where does it stop? Is it really just, as I suspect, nature evening out the score as we keep living and using the earth unwisely?
Once, a long time ago, I had a person say to me that good things happen to good people and bad things to bad people. At the time this hurt because I had been having a bad time in my marriage and life in general. I read this to mean she thought I was a bad person and deserved the bad luck, in reality she just thought her shit did not stink and was rubbing it in to upset me. But this is not true, as I am learning with age. Really shitty, crap and fucked up things happen to good people, allot, while the scumbags of the earth sit in million dollar homes, with health care that means they can hire a whole hospital wing, get the best doctors and lawyers, while us good people trudge through the shit trying to survive. As a new-born catholic (with a naughty edge) I wonder if telling my kids to say their prayers, do the right thing and believe in God is a realistic thing as it seems that He does not really listen either way. But he still wants my money every Sunday??? Kinda feel like I am paying a tradie to do a job, and he gets my cheque but does not bother to show up.......
So, my darling friend who is now, literally, in The Fight For Her Life has to battle something that is not only a physical thing, but a mental thing that can tear you apart just as badly. Now is the time to step up, be there, don't just offer to help but help without being asked and pray pray pray that it does not ......... you know.
The Big C sucks big, fat, hairy ones. Fingers crossed and might have to go to mass a few more times.
xoxo
Been a difficult week this week. DS started school (yay!! all in school, LOVE that!) Work just keeps getting busier and busier and one of my best friends has cancerous cels in her stomach fluid.
Fuck
To give you a brief outline, my friend fought and defeated breast cancer about 5 years ago. She did the chemo, lost all her hair, radiation and the whole shebang. Since had a full hysterectomy since she is susceptible to this and after a few months of abnormal tummy bloating, finally had a test and BANG. The Big C is back.
Now, this diagnosis (we do not know yet where the cells are coming from ) is Bad. Capital B Bad. After having a read online (never a good thing) It could be small, but most likely is not. Just take a moment and think about this.
She is my age (around 40) healthy to the point of annoying when she wants to be, still smokes (yes, we know we know) but otherwise pretty darn healthy and been through all this crap before. 2 young kids, husband who loves her, stand in mum to her niece and nephew who lost their mother to Skin Cancer a few years ago....WTF?
There is something seriously wrong with the universe when you finally get to this age, survived stupid stunts when you were young, tried most of the naughty drugs out there in the playground, managed to drive home a few times knowing you are over the limit, been to enough funerals to realise you really DO know alot of people (who did not make it home after said drinkies and drugs), finally meet The One, get married, have kids (whole other trauma and post) and then, just when you think you are safe, The Big C starts offing your friends one by one. Seriously??? Enough to make me up my daily anti-depressant without a doctor visit.
In the past 5 years I have had my mother diagnosed (and successfully treated) for bowel cancer, a friend who thought she had beaten bowel cancer, only to not have, die, another friend get and treat breast cancer, my friend above get breast cancer, 2 of my neighbours parents die of various cancers, my other neighbour loose their son-in-law to pancreatic cancer within a year of his first child being born (that really sucks Big Time) my former boss get breast cancer (bit of karma there) and now my other friend gets cancer, again.
Where does it stop? Is it really just, as I suspect, nature evening out the score as we keep living and using the earth unwisely?
Once, a long time ago, I had a person say to me that good things happen to good people and bad things to bad people. At the time this hurt because I had been having a bad time in my marriage and life in general. I read this to mean she thought I was a bad person and deserved the bad luck, in reality she just thought her shit did not stink and was rubbing it in to upset me. But this is not true, as I am learning with age. Really shitty, crap and fucked up things happen to good people, allot, while the scumbags of the earth sit in million dollar homes, with health care that means they can hire a whole hospital wing, get the best doctors and lawyers, while us good people trudge through the shit trying to survive. As a new-born catholic (with a naughty edge) I wonder if telling my kids to say their prayers, do the right thing and believe in God is a realistic thing as it seems that He does not really listen either way. But he still wants my money every Sunday??? Kinda feel like I am paying a tradie to do a job, and he gets my cheque but does not bother to show up.......
So, my darling friend who is now, literally, in The Fight For Her Life has to battle something that is not only a physical thing, but a mental thing that can tear you apart just as badly. Now is the time to step up, be there, don't just offer to help but help without being asked and pray pray pray that it does not ......... you know.
The Big C sucks big, fat, hairy ones. Fingers crossed and might have to go to mass a few more times.
xoxo
Monday, January 30, 2012
The Beginning
Greetings to the universe!
Just as an intro, this blog is going to be about me, my cakes, my family and anything else I think applies to let you into my mad, mad world!
I am a 30 something mum in the suburbs of Australia, struggling to grow my career as a cake decorator and teacher, a mother to two wonderful kids, a wife to a lovely hubby who is the "Minister for Finance" in our home (read: tight wad who stops me buying cake toys and more kitchen gadgets!) a daughter, stepdaughter (times 3) and sister to wonderfull full and half brothers - its a busy life and I love it!
I have a mad, diverse family, a huge drive to succeed in my profession, a great life and VERY high maintenance friends. I am also very opinionated and have a view on anything and everything, which drives my friends, family and workmates to distraction, but hey! at least I am not boring!!
So, Here we are.... Topic for today is kids.
Currently at the tail-end of school holidays I am struggleing not to lock my kids in their bedrooms so I can go back to work and do what I love - i.e. cake decorating!
Don't get me wrong, I love my kids. I just need to get away from them every now and then so I can .... appreciate them more when I am home! I am not one of those stay-at-home mums whose life is fulfilled (BTW there is NOTHING wrong with being that!!) I just need to use my brain to remember who I am on my own, not as part of something else. I have complete respect for the women who stay at home, I could not do it.
I find that there is no middle ground with people on this point though which is very sad. You either think mums should work (and thereby be selfish and not raise their kids) or stay home (and be selfish by not bringing in an income) I am firmly in the middle. I work part time, feel guilty that I have to put my kids into some care, and I stay at home to look after them on the other days. I also stay home if they are sick, have nits, have a cirriculum day etc. Note: I stay home, not my husband. funny that, and a point for another blog!
I recently had a dilemma where I HAD to work, we were so busy at work (I work for a small cake business) and there was literally a cake that I was the only one who could do it and I HAD to go. So what do you do? Leave your sick kid with a friend and hope they don't spew everywhere or take a day off work to the detriment of your career and really piss of your boss?? (please note - I swear, if you don't like it - stop reading cause I can't do it where my kids can hear, but I will do it here!) So, the solution was - I begged and pleaded with a family member who had the day off to look after my child (and paid her double!) I felt like crap all day and my DH made me feel like the Worst Mother in the World. Go figure! you someotimes just can't win!
I call this "The Curse of the Working Mother" because in most cases it will always be the mum who has to sacrifice her career if a situation like this arises. We earn less, we work part time, and apparently our jobs are less valuable to the household income. OK, so I earn about 1/2 the amount per hour than my DH, but to me my job is just as important, right? Wrong. Kinda reminds you of the Godfather movie "Every time I think I am out, they pull me back in" (I am doing the Al Pacino voice while I type! lol!)
Have fun readers and I hope you stick with me a while. You may not agree with what I say, but it can be interesting! I firmly believe that everyone has a right to an opinion, I vent mine cause I love to hear others disagree with me and argue the point, kind of like the old debating club from school. Anything to keep the mind active I guess!
Just as an intro, this blog is going to be about me, my cakes, my family and anything else I think applies to let you into my mad, mad world!
I am a 30 something mum in the suburbs of Australia, struggling to grow my career as a cake decorator and teacher, a mother to two wonderful kids, a wife to a lovely hubby who is the "Minister for Finance" in our home (read: tight wad who stops me buying cake toys and more kitchen gadgets!) a daughter, stepdaughter (times 3) and sister to wonderfull full and half brothers - its a busy life and I love it!
I have a mad, diverse family, a huge drive to succeed in my profession, a great life and VERY high maintenance friends. I am also very opinionated and have a view on anything and everything, which drives my friends, family and workmates to distraction, but hey! at least I am not boring!!
So, Here we are.... Topic for today is kids.
Currently at the tail-end of school holidays I am struggleing not to lock my kids in their bedrooms so I can go back to work and do what I love - i.e. cake decorating!
Don't get me wrong, I love my kids. I just need to get away from them every now and then so I can .... appreciate them more when I am home! I am not one of those stay-at-home mums whose life is fulfilled (BTW there is NOTHING wrong with being that!!) I just need to use my brain to remember who I am on my own, not as part of something else. I have complete respect for the women who stay at home, I could not do it.
I find that there is no middle ground with people on this point though which is very sad. You either think mums should work (and thereby be selfish and not raise their kids) or stay home (and be selfish by not bringing in an income) I am firmly in the middle. I work part time, feel guilty that I have to put my kids into some care, and I stay at home to look after them on the other days. I also stay home if they are sick, have nits, have a cirriculum day etc. Note: I stay home, not my husband. funny that, and a point for another blog!
I recently had a dilemma where I HAD to work, we were so busy at work (I work for a small cake business) and there was literally a cake that I was the only one who could do it and I HAD to go. So what do you do? Leave your sick kid with a friend and hope they don't spew everywhere or take a day off work to the detriment of your career and really piss of your boss?? (please note - I swear, if you don't like it - stop reading cause I can't do it where my kids can hear, but I will do it here!) So, the solution was - I begged and pleaded with a family member who had the day off to look after my child (and paid her double!) I felt like crap all day and my DH made me feel like the Worst Mother in the World. Go figure! you someotimes just can't win!
I call this "The Curse of the Working Mother" because in most cases it will always be the mum who has to sacrifice her career if a situation like this arises. We earn less, we work part time, and apparently our jobs are less valuable to the household income. OK, so I earn about 1/2 the amount per hour than my DH, but to me my job is just as important, right? Wrong. Kinda reminds you of the Godfather movie "Every time I think I am out, they pull me back in" (I am doing the Al Pacino voice while I type! lol!)
Have fun readers and I hope you stick with me a while. You may not agree with what I say, but it can be interesting! I firmly believe that everyone has a right to an opinion, I vent mine cause I love to hear others disagree with me and argue the point, kind of like the old debating club from school. Anything to keep the mind active I guess!
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